In life, we often see these scenes:
The child cried because he accidentally fell down. The adult rushed to help the child and coaxed:
"Baby don't cry, the floor is broken, I hit the floor."
The child built the building blocks alone, accidentally knocked it down, and suddenly burst into tears, the adult hurriedly stepped forward and coaxed:
"It's okay, baby don't cry, we won't play with this anymore, this toy is not fun."
It seems that if the child cries for a second, it is a huge loss, and it is all harm to them.
In the minds of many adults, "crying" is a very bad thing for children. When the child is crying, it seems that by coaxing the child not to cry, the situation can be improved.
In fact, this is a misunderstanding. Not only is it not good for the child, but it may even affect the growth of the child.
Crying is a child's instinctual expression and is an inherent right
Every parent wants their children to be happy, never cry, and have a happy childhood. However, this is obviously unrealistic.
Because, relative to laughter, crying may be closer to human instinct.
The first time a child arrives in the world is "cry". Before they learn to speak, crying is their emotional language. And in the early childhood of a child, perhaps the cry of a child is the most direct way to communicate with an adult.
When the baby cries, it is expressing the baby's feelings. At this time, the baby can't use words. It is hot or cold or sleepy or hungry... As long as it feels uncomfortable, use crying to express it.
However, the reality is that when a child is crying, the adults around him will always stop it for various reasons.
For example, as we said before, when the child was building blocks, the child accidentally fell over and the child cried angrily.
At this time, adults will immediately try their best to comfort them. Some give the child a toy, or use delicious food for comfort, or use electronic products to divert the child's attention.
And all these measures are for one ultimate goal-to make children laugh.
After some operation, the child did not cry anymore, but this practice easily pushed the child to two extremes: blindly please or emotional blackmail.
On April 16 this year, a sixth-grade girl in Xi'an jumped off the 20th floor and died after being suspected of stealing money.
On weekdays, this girl can be said to be a child of someone else's family, who has always been excellent in character and learning. Whether she really stole money is nowhere to be verified, but from her suicide note, we can find the depression of her life and the neglect of her by her parents.
She said: Home is not to rely on, but to respond with a fake smile. I know I will only escape on the 20th floor of the International Apartment. Thank you. The road is dirty. Sorry.
For her, she has developed a pleasing personality. Even at home, she evades her true emotions and prefers to respond with a fake smile.
Is this kind of "not crying" what we want? Would we hope that children would rather be wronged and force themselves to laugh? Just because this is what the parents want.
On the contrary, we often see some children crying, making trouble, and hanging themselves because their parents do not meet their own requirements. This is emotional blackmail.
- Tags: Miscellaneous talk