When communicating with children, even if you want to express the same meaning, choosing different expressions and words will have a big impact on your children, even if you think they sometimes don’t hear what you are saying.
Avoid the four improper methods in family education
Family has a great influence on children's education. Proper education can promote children's growth and talent; improper education will hinder children's development and affect their future. The following four inappropriate methods should be avoided in family education.
1. Threats. The adult speaks to the child in a threatening tone: "You...I will..." Although this type of threat is considered very useful in the minds of adults, it may not be effective in children. Because the threat is a challenge to the autonomy of the child, as long as the child has a little self-esteem, he will deliberately confront the adult to show that he is not a coward.
2. Take over. Buying means telling the child plainly that if he does (or does not do) something, he will be rewarded. A wishing method such as "if...just" can sometimes stimulate a child to achieve a certain goal temporarily, but it cannot motivate him to make persistent efforts.
For the child, these words mean doubting his abilities. In addition, they also used to cause children to bargain, threatening adults with "you don't give me a reward, I will be unruly", thereby making even more unreasonable demands. What is useful and popular is not a reward in the form of a purchase, but an unexpected and unexpected reward that reflects the appreciation of parents to their children.
3. Guarantee. The relationship between parents and children should be equal and trust each other.
Parents should not guarantee anything to their children, nor should they ask their children to make guarantees. If parents must rely on guarantees to emphasize that they are telling the truth, then it is unbelievable to admit in disguise that they have not promised. Guarantees will create unrealistic expectations for children. Parents should not induce or require their children to promise to follow the rules or never make a mistake again. When the child makes a guarantee that is not voluntary, he is tantamount to writing a bad check. We should not encourage this kind of deception.
4. Satire. The parents ridiculed the child, which greatly hindered his progress.
It often sets strong barriers to effective conversations between oneself and children. Sarcastic language will provoke the child's counterattack, and will build a barrier between yourself and the child. In educating children, parents should not use sarcasm and sarcastic language, and should not lower the child's status in himself or in the eyes of his peers.
Five unintentional words that hurt children's hearts
When communicating with children, even if you want to express the same meaning, choosing different expressions and words will have a big impact on your children, even if you think they sometimes don’t hear what you are saying.
Five sentences that can hurt children a lot
1. "How do you get bigger and bigger..."
If a four-year-old child can't keep quiet in the seat, it is because he is only four years old and has to go through the stages of stubbornness, mischief, and self-centeredness, which are necessary for growth.
But it's easy for parents to shout to their children: "How come you get older and less obedient."
Suggestion: When you can't help but blame your child, please start with some more sympathetic sentences, such as "I know you are unhappy, but such things will inevitably happen."
2. Warnings such as "Don't run, you will fall"
In fact, this is a message to the child: You are sure that he will fall. For a child who is struggling to become independent, this is undoubtedly a blow. Moreover, when your warnings have not become reality again and again, children will slowly show disapproval of your suggestions.
Suggestion: A better way, such as "Be sure to tie your shoelaces before going out to play".
3. "I'm just teasing you"
You may think that making a joke with your child can develop his sense of humor, but the child may really believe your words.
Suggestion: For children, don't use words that seem humorous and insulting to be funny. There are some things that you are not serious, so it is best not to say them.
4. "Why can't you be like other people's children?"
Words like this can make the child feel like a second-class citizen, and it can also lead to hatred of other children. The more you tell your child that he is not as good as others, the more he believes that he is not good enough.
Suggestion: Accept the child's strengths and weaknesses tolerantly, and then encourage him to grow up happily in a direction that suits him best.
5. "How did I tell you just now"
This kind of question with a little bit of sarcasm is actually a kind of accusation.
Suggestion: If you really want to accuse your child for failing to meet your requirements, it is better to say clearly: "I am very upset because I have told you three times. But I will tell you again and stop playing. Put his toys back in the box."
Three educational methods, children are willing to accept
The first type: discuss more and order less. For example, to remind the child that it is time to do homework, you can say something like: "It's time, should you do your homework?" Instead of just saying, "Don't watch TV, do your homework!" This way, the child will feel You respect him very much and are willing to listen to you.
The second type: more guidance and less reprimand. In fact, the more parents respect their children, the more self-respect they will be, and the more they will pay attention to correcting their own words and deeds in order to win the respect of others. Of course, specific situations have to be treated specifically. Parents do not need to be euphemistic about the child’s bad behavior, bad habits, etc., but they cannot be reprimanded. Instead, they should talk to him equally and seriously, pointing out its harm, and requesting Corrected it and formulated some penalties.
The third type: make more friends and less spy on "privacy". Many children are particularly disgusted with their parents looking through their schoolbags and peeking at their diaries. In fact, parents should make friends with their children, spend more time chatting with their children, and ask about the children’s school, their interpersonal relationship, their opinions on certain things, and so on. In this way, children feel that their parents respect and trust themselves, and they will trust their parents more and more, and they will treat their parents as the object of confession, rather than the object of confidentiality.
In addition, when parents educate their children, they must also pay attention to negative education
Most parents believe that "the one who is near Zhu is red, and the one who is near Mo is black." In fact, it is impossible for children to only get close to "Chi" without touching "Ink". At most, parents can only create a "red" family environment, but children will eventually go to society and it is inevitable that they will not be exposed to negative phenomena. Therefore, focusing only on positive education and ignoring negative education is obviously difficult for children to adapt to the other half of the complex society. Parents should value negative education as much as positive education. Specifically speaking, what is the role of negative education?
1. Through negative education, children will know that doing things is rarely smooth sailing, and that people's legitimate and reasonable requirements cannot always be fulfilled. This can make children realize the complexity of society and improve their psychological endurance.
2. Some negative phenomena in life, such as the incomprehension of good intentions and the frustration of beautiful things, can often make children feel compassion and sense of responsibility.
3. The negative phenomenon can make the child see that something shouldn't happen, so that the child feels sympathy, regret and anger and at the same time has a psychological need to overcome the negative phenomenon.
4. It is difficult for children to "grow up" if they always live in a pure environment. Such children will definitely be vulnerable in the future, and it will be difficult to improve their discrimination ability. Letting children know that there are negative phenomena in society and the taste of experiencing some adversity is of great benefit to speeding up the process of children's socialization.